I wish

So my life has been kinda crazy. My parents got divorced when I was really young and ever since then its been a roller coaster ride. No one has ever really been on my side or listened to me while I was growing up. No one except my step mom whom I didn't like growing up. We get a long better now and I'm glad for that because she is really the only one who is ever on my side. My dad tries to be but sometimes I feel like he forgets about me because I'm all grown up. I know he's helped me out a lot and I'm very grateful for that. I don't know where I would be today without him in my life. My mom on the other hand....I don't think she really cares about me in the way that she says she does. Growing up I wasn't considered to be one of the "popular" kids in high school because I didn't play sports or anything like that. That just wasn't who I was growing up. Mind you we grew up in a very small town. A typical small town that you see in the movies that if your not involved in something then your basically a loser. I didn't drop out of school or anything I stayed and graduated and even tried to go to college, but I guess that just wasn't enough for her. I feel like she's disappointed in me because I wasn't her growing up and it hurts. I just want her to love me for me and not to judge me based on what I did or what I do with my life. I could have turned out a lot worse and been in and out of jail or strung out on drugs or a hooker, but I'm not a a loving caring mother who would do anything for anyone she knows. I put everyone else before me. I know there are times that I should put myself first but I don't because I care too much about others. I just don't want to do the same things to my daughter as my mom did to me. I don't think any child should have to go through that. My mom always favored my brother over me and everyone sees it but her. I tried to tell her that once and she just told me no I don't so I gave up on trying to tell her that. I just wish that she could see what she's doing to me and know that it hurts. I'm to the point now that I don't even want to talk to her anymore and that kills me inside. I just wish someone would show me what to do.